August 15, 2011

Hoyer Spent $17,945 in Tax Dollars in 2010 at ‘Corner Bakery’ about how much congressmen are spending for food and drink as part of their “Congressional Expenses” got me thinking. In the old days, the Conscript Fathers of the Senate (that Senate, you know, “the Senate and People of Rome” one) used to daily give their clients (those who supported them, voted for them, cheered them when they walked by, provided their daughters for them, etc.) daily handouts of sesterces (coins), and later food and beverages.

So why don’t we start doing welfare that way here in the US? Instead of having all these various offices for food stamps (SNAP), and unemployment checks, and fat government construction and supply contracts, we could do it all through the local Congressional and Senate offices in various communities. Actually, on big-ticket items (like the reward of a $7.2-million airport construction grant by the FAA a few years ago, to a South Dakota tribe), the Representative or Senator (or all three) often do show up for a grand give-away – completely with a ceremonial 36” x 72” check, often as not. And all the pictures of local politicos and contractors on the gravy train with the illustrious givers of pork and whatever else are taken, and sometimes even the fancy shovels and hard-hats come out.

But I’m talking about having the personal staff of the Representative or Senator personally handing out the checks (or debit cards) to the unemployed, and as often as they can be spared from their deliberations, directly from the hand of the Representative or Senator themselves to the poor, quivering, grateful hand of the needy person. This would be government with a face, kindness incarnate, showing the true compassion of the government official for those who elected them. Same thing could be done when the contractor submits his invoice, at least once a year, it could be on the town square or outside the local Congressional office, with a firm handshake and a ceremonial hand-over of the check. To be followed up, of course, by a congenial and private visit inside the office, where the grateful contractor can write his current campaign contribution check in peace, lubricated by a drink and some snacks, bringing back memories of those Roman Conscript Fathers handing out the loaves and amphora (of wine).

In fact, this could be extended to the recipients of Social Security and retirement checks, at least once a year, in a moving ceremony in which the retirees could come up in small intimate groups of 50 or so, to have the Congressman (or his wife or her husband) hand them the check while patriotic music plays and the backdrop has a PowerPoint presentation of stirring photos of the officeholder standing up in the Halls of Congress or conducting fact-finding trips overseas.

Actually, another great idea just occurred to me, for the recipients of unemployment and Medicaid payments, especially, and even for SNAP clients at least on a ceremonial basis. It is based on the old tradition of scrofula sufferers being given a coin by the King (or Queen) to cure their disease, to demonstrate the mercy and kindness of the sovereign by grace of God. Of course, since Congress now holds this position, and since this is the 21^st Century, we should update this.

One way would be to replace the now-traditional SNAP EBT (Electronic Benefit Transfer) card, a kind of Debit Card, with a new special version that has a picture of the Congressman and Senators on the front, together with the Statue of Liberty and all the usual mottos: “Liberty,” “In God We Trust,” “E Pluribus Unum,” and “We’re here to help you.” And with the name of the person receiving the aid embossed on it! These could be changed every year, so that the recipients can keep them as mementos.

Or we could get the mint to issue a special series of coins with RFID chips built in, and perhaps with the likeness of the First Citizen (or the First Lady) on it, that could be variable in value (based on the RFID chip) and used like the Debit Card.

The potential for raising the public image and perception of Congress is unlimited: no more will we see 90% disapproval ratings, when the 535 members of Congress will have the opportunity to see and touch the faces and hands of tens of thousands of their clients (constituents) each month, and allow those people to see the concern, sacrifice, and mercy shown by their saviors.

[Editor's Note: Sarcasm, if you were unsure...]