May 16, 2011

(1)There was NO Osama bin Laden: he was invented by (choose one or more): __House of Windsor (British Royal Family) __ Knights Templar or Society of Sion __ US Government __ Muslim Brotherhood __ Adolf Hitler III, hiding in Paraguay __ Soviet KGB scientists in underground Siberian cities

(2)There was an authentic Osama bin Laden but he was killed in Afghanistan in 2001 by (choose one): __ captured christian slave girl/concubine  __ secret SAS raiders __ Saudi Salafi commandos __ other: _________

(3)Osama bin Laden had extensive plastic surgery and replaced the man who was actually elected US President in 2008, while that person was in turn surgically modified to take bin Laden’s place, and then killed because he got tired of goat meat and wanted to come out of the cold.

(4)Osama bin Laden was a (choose one or more): __ CIA operative __ Mossad operative __ KGB operative __ FSB (Russian security) operative __ MI-6 operative __ INTERPOL operative __ Gestapo or Neue Gestapo operative __ Chinese operative, who turned rogue and finally had to be taken out.

(5)Osama bin Laden was not killed a few weeks ago; he was captured and is in rendition on an unmarked merchant ship while his brain is being vacuumed; the video and photos of the raid were staged and photoshopped so that everyone thinks he is dead.

(6)The Osama bin Laden killed a few weeks ago was an out-of-luck actor hired to pretend to be Osama and (choose one) __ killed instead of getting paid off, __ replaced by a clone and now living in luxury in Monaco with a good shave, __ a masochist who thought his lovers would eat his body after he was killed, or __ the accidental victim of an overly-complex script and friendly fire.

(7)Osama bin Laden was the (chose one of the following): __ reincarnation of the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) __ Twelfth Imam and Mahdi, __ Messiah returned, __ Messiah first coming, __ a reincarnation of Balaam’s donkey, and was taken up to the Fifth Heaven by Allah. 

(8)So his death had to be staged by (chose one or more): __ Pakistani intelligence (ISI), __ Israeli intelligence (Mossad), __ CIA, __ The Sinaloa Cartel, __ Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream (Clandestine Division).

(9)Osama bin Laden was the illegitimate great-grandson of Rasputin the Mad Monk, and the center of a KGB plot to overthrow the United States that didn’t get the word to stop when the Soviet Union fell, and finally got tired of the game.

(10)Osama bin Laden was Howard Hughes, who faked his own death after he went through a secret rejuvenation process and became an enemy of the United States because they wouldn’t give back his Spruce Goose.

(11)Osama bin Laden was killed last week but rose out of the water three days later and is now planning for forty days of terror to destroy the West.

(12)Osama bin Laden was killed but it was a fake, prepared body that was buried at sea and the real body was sent to Atlanta to be examined but stolen by secret Islamic deep-cover agents and taken to Paraguay to be reanimated in Hitler’s secret laboratories by Joseph Mengele.

(13)Osama bin Laden is a cousin of the current White House resident and is now living in a shack in a sub-basement of the Chicago City Hall; everything was faked.

© 2011 by Simon Jester Media.  May be used with attribution.