April 06, 2009

Good morning fellow progressives, social revolutionaries, and Weathermen wannabees. In today’s class I’ll explain how to bewilder the conservatives, stymie their agenda, and abscond with billions in taxpayer money. Some conservatives will become so befuddled that they will even come to embrace your cause.

It’s so simple, you might not believe me. All you need to do is utter a two-word incantation. Ready?

“Domestic violence.”

With these magical words, you can undermine the traditional family, expand the social welfare state, promote socialist principles, weaken American sovereignty, and more!

Let’s say you want to revamp the traditional family structure. Just declare you need to institute get-tough domestic violence laws to halt the cycle of violence. Once the guy is kicked out of the home on a bogus charge, the woman will find the welfare state will do as a substitute husband.

(You may recall that as a college student, Hillary Clinton called for a restructuring of the family. As First Lady, she worked relentlessly to secure passage of the Violence Against Women Act in 1994.)

Or maybe you want to dramatically expand social programs. Once the “abuser” is pushed out of the picture, junior will probably end up living in a single-parent household. That places him at far greater risk of dropping out of school, running into trouble with the law, and getting hooked on drugs. Of course we’ll need oodles of welfare programs to clean up the mess.

Need to block the new covenant marriage law the evangelicals want to pass?

It’s a cinch -- just trot out a victim and have her explain how she was “trapped” by her abuser in marital hell. A hankie and sniffles are worth extra credit.

Want to impose a socialist economy on the workplace? Advance the claim that we need to pay women the same as men, even if they are less qualified or spend fewer hours on the job. That way women will achieve economic justice and be able to live without having to depend on some poor bloke’s wages.

Maybe your agenda is to strip America of its national sovereignty. So claim that ratifying the UN Women’s Treaty will eliminate the scourge of domestic violence both at home and abroad. Seriously, that’s what some progressive senators in Washington are saying these days.

In many countries, the Lefties are saying that if you don’t pay a woman to get her abortion, that’s an obvious case of domestic violence. Again, argument over.

Is your agenda to stereotype men as abusers and batterers? Just get everyone talking about how Chris Brown beat up on Rihanna -- but be extra careful to not mention that Rihanna started the whole incident by pummeling Brown with her stiletto heels, while he was driving.

(It’s no secret there’s a double standard here, which says a woman can slap, punch, or kick her significant other, but he must not so much as raise his voice in protest. But conservatives are not perturbed by this.)

Let’s be even more ambitious in our thinking – why not undermine constitutional guarantees of due process? Think about it -- handing out restraining orders like candy and placing the burden of proof on the accused. No one will figure out our true agenda as long as we keep repeating our mantra.

So what is domestic violence? Domestic violence is now defined so broadly that if the guy sneezes the wrong way, it’s time to call in the cops. Which means domestic violence is anything a man does that a woman doesn’t like.

But we don’t want to admit that, so better to not go there. Just utter some neo-Marxist mumbo-jumbo about using power and control tactics. No one will argue, since they don’t have a clue what you’re talking about!

True, research shows women are more likely to throw the first punch. And half of all partner violence is mutual. But people are thinking, “Yeah, he must have done something to deserve it.” Again, case closed.

There’s a fly in the ointment, though. Every time you turn around, you hear about another woman knocking off her husband, boyfriend, or lesbian lover.

Just in the last couple weeks, Tammara McCoy of Albany was sentenced to 25 years in prison for conspiring to kill her husband. Andrea Carr, who had admitted to shooting her boyfriend in the head with a .357-caliber revolver while he slept, entered her plea in Canton, Ohio. And Chris Mason of Chardon, Ohio was sentenced to four years behind bars for killing her spouse.

But as long as the story gets buried in the obituaries, no one is likely to worry.

Endlessly reciting the “domestic violence” mantra, baffling conservatives by appealing to their chivalrous instincts, and advancing the radical left agenda -- it’s really that simple.

Carey Roberts probes and lampoons political correctness. His work has been published frequently in the Washington Times, Townhall.com, LewRockwell.com, ifeminists.net, Intellectual Conservative, and elsewhere. He is a staff reporter for the New Media Network.

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