February 25, 2008

People have voluntarily stupidified themselves because they've bought into assorted cultural caca, ideological concepts frequently abetted or opportunistically manipulated after the fact by the nation's political donkey dung dishers and elephant effluvia flingers.

Libertarians are uniquely positioned to snicker, sneer and snort at this ongoing social stupidification because they don't subscribe to the lefty-righty fakery of political correctness. This perspective gives libertarians, more readily than most, the ability to pull back the curtain and peer into the minds of Stupidifaction Junkies.

Take an example from real world headlines:

Any Article, Any Newspaper, Any City, Anywhere in 21st Century America: An eighth-grader is suspended for drawing a doodle of a gun because the Director of Secondary Education claimed it constituted a threat.

A threat of what, .22 caliber paper cuts?

No. A threat to the Director of Secondary Education.

Swirling inside the Director's head: Omigod! One of our kids has created a squiggle that looks like a handgun. I have to react. I have to suspend him. There's a two million-to-one chance that he'll shoot up an entire schoolhouse someday. People will point fingers at me. "You should have seen the signs! You should have known!" They'll file charges against me. There'll be a civil suit. The media will hound me out of office. I'll lose my overpaid taxpayer paid job and my taxpayer paid medical insurance and my taxpayer paid retirement and I won't be able to pay my mortgage or send my kids to college. Worse, I'll lose hallway cred with the academic lords of leftism for failing to punish a little punk for scribbling a depiction of their Uttermost Ultimate of Horrors: a common handgun. I have to suspend this kid to save my own sorry ass. I have to act Stupefyingly Stupidious!

How far can stupidification go? How about...

Swirling inside an Elementary School teacher's alleged brain: Omigod! A crayon scrawl of a boy holding a woman's hand! It could be little Billy and his mommy. But it's not! I know it's not! The woman is me! That's my dark brown scribbly hair. That's my blue lopsided triangle-shaped dress! He's accusing me of holding his hand. He's accusing me of violating the Absolutely Positively Zero-Tolerance No-Touching Anybody At Any Time Under Threat of Public Stoning Rule. He's accusing me of a teacher-student sexual event! My only chance to save myself is to be proactive. I have to charge the kid and his parents with something before they can charge me. Child abuse! I'll claim that this drawing is a cry for help from little Billy. His family is sexually abusing him in the home. Quick, where's the number for my taxpayer paid union lawyer?

Swirling inside the head of the Chief Enforcement Officer of the Takes A Village Social Awareness and Political Correctness Watchdog Group: This little pencil sketch from the local school looks like two stick-boys fighting. Or maybe they're playing. No, definitely fighting. Yes. And the stick-boy that looks as if he's getting hit has slightly longer hair than the other stick-boy. He could be gay. And the other boy is attacking him. That's it! This is a gay-bashing. The kid who drew this is homophobic. If I publicize this and make a really big stink about it, gay and lesbian rights groups will come to my support and join our organization and start paying dues and sending in more and more donations which I can parlay into getting elected president of our little Watchdog Group and collect a top level salary and bennies and won't have to work a real job anymore. What a great opportunity!

Swirling inside the head of an Independent School District Environmental Correctness Commissar: This crayon drawing is deeply disturbing. It certainly looks like a snowy hillside with children sledding and skiing and building snowmen. Whoever drew this picture is sending the wrong message to his little playmates. There is no snow in the future Algorian world. All the ice caps and glaciers and snowfields will melt. This child needs to be sent to a reeducation camp in the Arizona desert to live in a tent and wear pink underwear and a striped jumpsuit like all the other social misfits. That'll teach the little Global Warming Denier! Then, just maybe, I might get a nice form letter from Al Gore himself praising me for my fine work!

Swirling inside the heads of libertarians and other rational freedom-lovers: Do these stupidophiles even know which end of a fork to hold?

[Editor's note: I do wish it went that far. If they couldn't feed themselves, then the natural selection against their non-survival traits could function much more quickly.]

(Originally published here)

Garry Reed's articles have appeared in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, LP News and other print and online publications.

The latest from the River City's Reader:

Evolution Run Amok
by Garry Reed

While some people don't believe in evolution at any speed, other people, such as the scientific types at the National Academy of Sciences, claim that human evolution is speeding up.

It must be true, because their findings have been reported by such reputable sources as National Geographic, Discovery Channel, BBC News, USA Today, and AuntBerthasNaughtyGossip.com.

Indeed, an article on the libertarian International Society for Individual Liberty Web site that linked to The Raw Story that linked to Agence France-Presse that published an article headlined "Human Evolution Speeding Up" sums up the accelerated alteration phenomenon in the following snippet:

"The pace of change has increased 100-fold in modern times compared to our distant past, and most notably since the Ice Age, 10,000 years ago, and has led to increasing diversification between the races."

(Read the rest here)

Copyright -- Garry Reed
The Loose Cannon Libertarian

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