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08/07/08
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November
21, 2005 Computer-generated female voice: Hello. Welcome to the Wangdangdoodle Cellular Phone Company. If you would like to activate your phone, please type in the 16-digit number on the back of your box, that begins with XEM. Me: Beep beep boop boop. Voice: I heard 'beep beep boop boop.' Is this correct? Me: Yes. Voice: I'm sorry, I didn't understand you. Me: YES! Voice: Did you say 'Yes'? Me: YES! Voice: Please type in the 14-digit number on the back of your box that begins with '618.'. Me: Beep beep boop boop. Voice: I heard 'beep beep boop boop.' Is that correct? Me: YES! Voice: Thank you. Could you please say your address? Me: 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Voice: I heard '417 Eiler.' Is that correct? Me: NO! Voice: Could you say your address? Me: 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Voice: I heard '3978 Grand Avenue.' Is this correct? Me: NO! Voice: Please hold while I transfer your call. (Muzak version of "Feelings") Me: Yech. Another computer-generated female voice: Please type in your cellular phone number. Me: I don't have a cellular phone number. That's why I'm calling. Why am I telling you this? You're a computer. You don't understand a word I'm saying. Voice: I'm sorry, I didn't understand you. Please you please say your cellular phone number? Me: (silence) Voice: Thank you for calling Wangdangdoodle Cellular Phone Company. Good-bye. Me: Beep beep boop boop. Voice: Hello. Welcome to the Wangdangdoodle Cellular Phone Company. If you would like to activate your phone, please type in the 16-digit number on the back of your box, that begins with XEM. Me: Beep beep boop boop. Voice: I heard 'beep beep boop boop.' Is this correct? Me: YES! Voice: Please hold while I transfer your call. (Muzak version of Bobby Goldsboro's "Watching Scotty Grow.") Me: Blech. Disembodied Indian Accent: Hello, my name is Hadji, I mean Greg. What is your cellular phone number, please? Me: I don't have one. I was trying to activate my phone, but the system messed up my address and them connected me to a system that disconnected me. When I called back again and tried to activate my phone, it transferred me to you. Accent: I see. I'll have to connect you to Customer Service. (Muzak version of Goldsboro's "Honey.") Me: Two Bobby Goldsboro songs in a row. American Accent: Could you please tell me your cellular phone number? Me: I don't have one. The system messed up and connected me to you. American accent: I'll have to transfer you to Prepay. (Muzak version of "Love Will Keep Us Together.") Me: Well, I at least kinda like this one. Another Disembodied American Accent: Could I please have your cellular phone number? Me: I don't have one. The system messed up my address and connected me to you. American Accent: I see. I'll have to connect you to Customer Service. Me: I was just there. They transferred me to you. American Accent: I understand. I don't have access to the information you want, so you'll have to call back during business hours. Me: Sure. American Accent: Thank you. Good-bye. Me: Beep beep boop boop. Computer-generated female voice: Hello. Welcome to the Wangdangdoodle Cellular Phone Company. If you would like to activate your phone, please type in the 16-digit number on the back of your box, that begins with XEM. Me:
Honey, can you get my hammer?
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