The Chicken Chronicles - Whatever Happened To The U. S.? - By Carl F. Worden - Price of Liberty
03/20/10
The Chicken Chronicles
Whatever Happened To The U. S.?
By Carl F. Worden


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March 29, 2004

You will find this tale preposterous and bordering upon an urban legend, but I can swear to you this day, that the events I will relay to you actually happened in the United States of America, State of Oregon.

Here goes:

Nick Gambos is heading home from his gym workout at 10:00 PM, and stopped by the closed Ray’s Market in Murphy on his way home to Williams, Oregon, to pick up a copy of the “Nickel” advertising newspaper.

He sees a chicken huddled in an open crate next to the Nickel stand. The chicken looks abandoned and lonely, so Nick, the animal lover, takes compassion on the chicken, picks her up, and drives her home.

For all Nick knows, the chicken is abandoned, on free range. The chicken is not in a closed or even locked pen. For all Nick knows, the chicken found a spot to rest in with minimal protection for the night. Dogs, cats, or any other predator might have scented her out in that open crate There is a nameplate over the open fruit crate, designated “Speckles”.

Nick builds a chicken pen at home for his lost bird, and he goes out to buy two other chickens to keep her company. He feeds her good grain and feels like he’s done something good.

Nick tells a neighbor how he got the bird. The neighbor tells Nick the bird is a “regular” in the parking lot of Ray’s Foods, getting scrap from what was thrown to her by patrons.

Nick calls Ray’s Foods and tells an employee not to worry about the chicken. She’s well taken care of and provided for now. The employee tells Nick that’s just fine.

The next day, Nick gets a call from a different and angry Ray’s Food employee, telling him he “stole” the chicken, and she must be returned.

Now you have to consider the environment this chicken was living in. She was living on scrap food tossed to her irregularly by passersby, and she was dodging parking cars all day in the parking lot of the grocery store. The chicken was not held in a pen, and was allowed to freely wander around. The chicken was an abandoned fowl on her own, and she was not purchased by Ray’s Foods for the entertainment of the locals.

The next day, Nick gets a call from a Josephine County Sheriff’s Deputy by the name of Tripp, telling him he has “stolen” the chicken from Ray’s Foods, and that he’ll be charged with a felony if he doesn’t return the chicken immediately.

Nick calls the local animal protection agency, which employee tells him to keep the chicken, since the chicken is now in his loving protection, away from the very dangerous environment of that parking lot.

The next thing that happens is that four Josephine County Sheriff squad cars loaded with militarized, jack-booted deputies show up at Nicks home at 1:00 AM, armed with a tainted search warrant. They arrest Nick, a Viet Nam Veteran, handcuff him and drag him off to jail wearing nothing more than his red Speedos.

He’s charged with theft from private property and kept in jail overnight. The arresting officers injure him.

The manager of the Ray’s Foods store is quoted by a reporter from the Medford Mail Tribune as saying “The chickens are not owned”, telling everyone this chicken happened upon the parking lot, was given food by customers and store employees as the opportunity came, and nothing more.

As such, the chicken was an abandoned domestic fowl.

Under Oregon’s strict animal protection statutes, Nick was totally innocent of “theft” from private property, and in fact, he is to commended for taking the abandoned hen under his care. If Nick could “take” a copy of the “Nickel” publication from its stand after hours, why should he not also be permitted to take an orphan bird he found next to the stand, huddled in an open crate? Any dog, cat or coyote would have made a meal of her had he not done so.

So we have to ask ourselves, what in the world happened here? What the Hell is going on in America here?

What kind of moron Nazi Sheriff (By the name of Dave Daniels) would dispatch a squad of four Sheriff’s Deputies’ squad cars to serve a tainted search warrant on a guy who had given a safe home to a hen chicken at 1:00 AM in the morning???

Maybe Nick is considered a terrorist under the Patriot Act. Is that what happened in Williams, Oregon? A chicken terrorist? No, it’s worse.

The DA of Josephine County is leveling several charges at Nick. They are hoping Nick will plead to something less, but they’ve got something else to contend with here, and it’s called the Southern Oregon Militia. They are in big trouble. We don’t take prisoners, and we smell blood in the water.

When the SOM heard of this outrage, we immediately contacted Nick’s wife, Kathy, to provide support, and to refer her to our favorite attorney, Foster Glass, of Bend, Oregon. He has taken the case.

Here in Southern Oregon, we have this good ol’ boys group of retrograde southern law dogs and attorneys, who don’t want anyone to think otherwise, but the fact is, they almost all work together.

The SOM figured this out a long time ago, so we use attorneys from the nethermost regions of the state to fight our legal battles in matters of civil rights violations in local disputes. Foster Glass is a former prosecutor who helped us win a huge federal lawsuit settlement of 1.8 million dollars for the beating (read wrongful) death case of Jeffery Stuart Anderson, a 29 year-old father of two, against the Jackson County Sheriff. Anderson was beaten to death while incarcerated at the Jackson County Jail, and the only people who had access to him were four deputies and a jail nurse.

We are confident Attorney Glass will take the pound of flesh for us that this maggot Sheriff dearly deserves in this so-called case of chicken theft.

More to come….

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